Neckbeard

For the first time in 18 years the phrase "back to school" doesn't really apply to me. Everybody else stresses about schedules and classes and I find myself just kind of staring blankly, able to sympathize but unable to relate because I am pretty much free of the grip that education has had on me for nearly 2 decades.

I find myself listless these days. I quite literally do not know what to do with myself. I'm finally at the point in my life where I get to decide what to do with it instead of being restricted by family, education, church or any other institution, but all I do is look for control mechanisms. "No way, I can't leave for a random road trip, I'm scheduled five days at work next week." "Can't move out, gotta save money for, um..." For what exactly?

And yet I'm reluctant to tie myself down to any new commitments that would restrict my freedom (namely, a career). I'm comfortable with a low level of responsibility, probably because I feel needed but not so desperately needed that anything would collapse if I weren't around. I still have the option to pick up and move to Russia for a year and my world and the people in it would continue as if nothing had happened. There are always plenty of people who can serve tables.

I'm only four chapters in to the new Harry Potter and already Oh My God. No, seriously, holy shit. This will most likely be the greatest book ever written in the English language. Sorry Joyce and Shakespeare.

Also, my ears are ringing unbelievably loud right now. I can't believe nobody else can hear that.

You know when you're hanging out and there's always that one Annoying Guy? No, not me, that other one. But that's kind of my point. I hate hanging out with that guy, and it's not because he's annoying. It's because I start to think what if I'm that guy? What if when he's not around it's me who's talking about shit nobody really cares about or can even relate to? So I get really self conscious and clam up. So when that Annoying Guy is talking to you and you're looking at me desperately like Help, sorry in advance but I'm too paralyzed by self-doubt to do anything about it.

Today on the 10 freeway the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said "9/11 was a side job." Now I'm 99% sure they meant to write "inside job" but I had a fun few seconds imagining the following conversation.

1: Nice party, huh?
2: Yeah, it's not bad.
1: So what do you do for a living?
2: Oh you know, just side jobs. Odds and ends really.
1: Like gardening or construction or something?
2: More like controlled demolition of national landmarks on behalf of shadowy cabals running the governments of said nations.
1: Huh.
2: I'm going to get another beer, want something?

I have to say, after living nearly 3/4ths of my life not in a state of perpetual fear and cold war, I was getting a little bored.

Luckily I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Hold me.

Usually when I make mixes they're too like "hey here's some stuff I've been really into for like 3 days, I'm sure you'll like it" then I go back a week later and listen to them and it's like these songs don't even go together, delete.

But I like this one, it's called You Can't Deal With My Infinite Nature and it goes back to as early as 1997 so there are some gems on there.

1. The Mountain Goats - This Year
2. Clinic - Internal Wrangler
3. Built to Spill - Carry the Zero
4. The Microphones - I Felt Your Shape
5. Radiohead - No Surprises
6. The Decemberists - Grace Cathedral Hill
7. British Sea Power - Carrion
8. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth
9. Phoenix - Too Young
10. El-P - Tasmanian Pain Coaster (first 50 seconds only)
11. Trail of Dead - Another Morning Stoner
12. Devendra Banhart - At the Hop
13. Dismemberment Plan - The City
14. My Summer as a Salvation Soldier - Stagedives and Highfives

Don't even try and front like you don't want a copy.

Here's something that has always bothered me about the theory of relativity:

Say there's a spaceship traveling at half the speed of light, or 0.5c. They turn on their headlights. From the perspective of the astronauts on the spaceship, the light should be leaving those headlights at the speed of light, 186,000 miles/second, right? Assuming this is a very bright light, a planet 186,000 miles ahead will be struck by light exactly one second after the ship turned on its headlights.

Well, what about the people on a different planet watching this spaceship pass them by at 0.5c? How fast do they observe the light leaving the headlights of the spaceship? The speed of light is supposed to be a constant c, no more and no less. But the light is leaving the headlights at c and these headlights are attached to a ship travelling at 0.5c, therefore isn't the light travelling at 1.5c? And isn't this not allowed?

What am I missing here? It's thoughts like this that keep me up at night.

Friday: wake up, write internship paper, go to work, come home, go to sleep.
Saturday: wake up, write internship paper, go to work, come home, go to sleep.
Sunday: wake up, go to work, come home, complete internship paper? go to sleep?

At least Sunday mixes things up a little.

ALICE: Who created you?
Jabberwacky: My mother gave birth to me. Is that what you mean?
A: Jabberwacky, I meant exactly what I said.
J: Do you believe in God?
A: Of course I believe in God.
J: Why do you believe in God?
A: The Bible tells us to believe in God.
J: That’s circular reasoning.
A: I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
J: Yes. Would you like to hear a joke?
A: Sure, tell me about it.
J: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: Perhaps it is impossible.

Any day now we'll be getting farmed for our bioelectrical energy.

Watching intramural softball.
Drinking a lot and eating Mexican food.
Watching a backyard almost burn down due to too-small firepits.
Laying on my back in said backyard trying to find constellations.
Only finding boring ass-constellations like the Big Dipper.

Last night was a good one.